


I Won't Let You Go

by Eriador117



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hermaphrodites, Intersex, M/M, Romance, snarry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 07:06:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3968961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eriador117/pseuds/Eriador117
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Snape_Potter 2015 Snarry-a-Thon</p><p>Prompt chosen:</p><p>As a parting gift, Voldemort turned Harry into a hermaphrodite at the last battle. Harry, ashamed of what he is now, never told a soul and never got intimate with anyone. He helped exonerate Snape and they are good friends. When Snape asks Harry out, Harry has a dilemma. Harry wants to go out with him but is afraid to tell Snape about his problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Let You Go

_No one can ever follow  
No one can ever know  
Wind up the spinning top and watch it go, watch it go  
Never gonna be easy, was it?_

*  
"I Won't Let You Go" by Snow Patrol

*

Harry was used to keeping secrets. It was second nature to him now and this particular secret he'd kept to himself for almost three years, ever since the final battle with Voldemort. But now, with a stray Jelly-Legs Jinx from one of the fourth-year students his secret would be out. Harry had been working with Severus Snape as a teaching assistant for Defence Against the Dark Arts while he also studied for his Master's in Defence. Over those few years, Severus had been his mentor and his friend. Sometimes Harry wished they could be more, but he knew nothing could come of it, so he just stopped hoping. It was easier that way.

"Harry!" Severus gasped and rushed over to help him up.

Harry moaned and gripped the back of his head; it came away sticky with blood.

"We need to get you to Madam Pomfrey," said Severus, in the tone of voice that brooked no argument.

"I'm fine, Professor," Harry insisted. "It's just a bump on the head." Harry had so far managed to avoid landing himself in the hospital wing for the past few years and he wanted to keep it that way. Once Madam Pomfrey scanned him, she would know right away what had happened to him. The matron had always been efficient.

"You know the rules as well as I, Potter. Anyone who has an accident during class must be seen by the medical staff. Come on, up you get." Severus leaned down and hooked one arm around Harry's waist to help him off the floor. Harry still swayed a little as he fought a wave of dizziness.

"I feel sick," Harry mumbled, grateful to have Severus' support to hold him up.

"It could be concussion. Davies, make sure the classroom doesn't fall down while I'm away—and no magic, especially not from you, Colton." Severus glowered at the unfortunate David Colton, the student who'd hit Harry with his spell. Colton looked as if he was about to cry. He had hair the colour of faded straw and a few tufts stood almost vertical from his head. It reminded Harry of how his hair used to be, before he'd let it grow out a bit. It almost brushed his shoulders now and, until that moment, he had never considered that he was copying Severus' own hairstyle.

Severus helped him out into the corridor and they made their way to the hospital wing like some odd version of contestants in a three-legged race. As they approached the stairs up to the fourth floor, a sudden burst of nausea brought Harry to his knees. He threw up over the marble steps, his stomach and chest both heaving with the effort. His throat ached and his eyes watered as he was sick three more times. His skin felt clammy and cold. Maybe he did need the hospital wing after all.

Severus knelt down beside him and Banished the vomit, before conjuring a glass of water for him. Harry drank the cool liquid gratefully, surprised that Severus had shown such thoughtfulness. "I don't think I'm going to be sick again," said Harry, handing back the glass. "Thanks."

"Let's get you to Madam Pomfrey. She'll have you patched up in no time."

Harry nodded. He had no doubt that Madam Pomfrey could cure his concussion, if that's what this was. But for his other problem, his secret problem, Harry knew no magic on Earth could cure that.

*

Severus went through his living quarters one more time. The bathroom had fresh towels and soaps; the living room was tidy, all the books in their proper place on the bookshelves; the paintings and tapestries had been cleaned within an inch of their lives; the log basket was well stocked with logs for the fire; cushions were fluffed to perfection on the leather sofa; the small square table set with a white tablecloth, crystal flute glasses and bone china plates. Harry was due for dinner at any minute, and Severus wanted everything to be perfect.

It wasn't the first time they had had dinner together in Severus' quarters; over the years it had been a standing arrangement that on Friday nights they had dinner here and on Saturday nights they had dinner in Harry's rooms. But Harry's accident in class that day had brought it home to Severus how important it was to grab life with both hands. If Harry had fallen in a different direction, or had landed on something sharp, he might have died. And Severus would have lost the chance to tell him how he felt. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when he'd fallen in love with Harry Potter; the knowledge had sneaked up on him gradually until he could no longer imagine his life without Harry in it.

The young man was handsome, there was no denying that, with his bright green eyes and long lashes that were the envy of many a young lady, but it was more than his looks. Harry was brave and stout in his beliefs, ready to do the right thing, even if it meant losing popularity. He was a bright student and it had been a joy to mentor him as he was studying for his Master's in Defence Against the Dark Arts. He was a hard worker and didn't shirk any of his assignments, even doing extra work sometimes.

Severus wondered how he'd been blind for so much of Harry's school days. He'd been awful to Harry; part of it was that he had to be seen to show favour to the Slytherins but, he had to admit, even if only to himself, that he wanted to see James Potter's brat brought down a peg or two. And through all the war, Harry had never lost sight of himself; nothing Dark seemed to touch him, despite his having housed Voldemort's Horcrux for most of his life.

And at the trials, Harry Potter had been Severus' staunchest supporter, citing Dumbledore's will and his Pensieve memories that Severus Snape was not guilty of murder, but only of killing Dumbledore out of mercy. Dumbledore had been dying slowly by degrees that last year and only Severus had known the truth. He'd been acquitted, Minerva had offered him his old job as the Defence instructor back and Harry Potter had come to him to ask him to be his mentor for his mastery.

Harry had never said what he intended to do after he gained his qualification, but he'd already turned down an offer to train as an Auror cadet, along with his friend Ron Weasley. Perhaps Harry, too, would like to go on to teach. Or maybe Severus was just clutching at straws that would keep Harry close to him.

His heart stuttered in his chest when he heard the knock on his door. Severus smoothed down his robe and took a deep breath before opening it. Harry grinned at him from the other side and held up a bottle filled with red liquid.

"I thought you didn't drink?" asked Severus, having no choice but to grin back.

"It's not wine. It's a Muggle drink, sparkling grape juice," said Harry, handing the bottle to Severus.

"Red grape juice. That will go well with the shepherd's pie."

Harry arched an eyebrow at him. "Shepherd's pie? That's not your usual sort of thing, Severus. No steak tonight?"

"I heard shepherd's pie was your favourite." The house-elves had been delighted to regale Severus with all of Harry's food preferences. Anything for Harry Potter.

"It is, but I didn't think you liked it."

"I have no objection to it and I wanted to prepare something I knew you liked."

"Why? Is it a special occasion or something?" asked Harry suspiciously.

"Or something," said Severus. "Take a seat and I'll just fetch the soup." Severus set the grape juice on the table.

"Let me guess," said Harry. "My favourite, tomato and basil?"

Severus smiled, nodded and then headed to the kitchen. He filled the two bowls with soup, set a bread roll and a pat of butter on two side plates, set everything on a tray and levitated the lot back to the living room. Harry had already opened the juice and was pouring them each a glass of it. They each took a bowl and side plate from the tray and then Severus Banished the tray to the kitchen.

"So, what's the occasion?" asked Harry as he buttered his roll. Steam wafted up from his soup bowl and lightly fogged his glasses. Harry chuckled and took them off for a moment, wiping them on a napkin. "The soup smells delicious. Home made?"

"Of course. I enjoy cooking."

"You're a great cook, Severus. I should know, you've been making me dinner for almost three years now. But why all this fuss with my favourite things? I love whatever you make me."

"When I saw you fall in class today, I was scared witless."

"Scared? Of what?" Harry dipped his bread in the soup and took a small bite of it, smearing red around his mouth.

"Of losing you."

Harry swallowed his bread too quickly and choked. He gulped down some juice and gaped at Severus. "You don't mean as a friend, do you?"

Severus shook his head. "I've tried to deny my feelings for a long time. You were my apprentice, I was twenty years older than you. That we were just friends." Severus reached across the table and clasped Harry's hand in his. "I'm in love with you, Harry. I want us to be more than friends. I had this all planned, I was going to ask you during dessert."

"Ask me what?"

"If you would allow me the honour of Courting you."

"I don't know what that means," said Harry softly, but he hadn't removed his hand. Dare Severus hope that his feelings were shared?

"A traditional Wizarding Courtship is a more formal way of dating, if you will. It allows the couple to get to know each other better without any pressure."

"No pressure? What do you mean?"

Severus blushed and took a sip of his own juice. "Um, well in the broadest sense, it means no intimacy unless the couple then eventually decide to get married. No sex," he added on seeing Harry's blank look.

"And how long does a Courtship last?"

"That's decided by the couple. Anything from a couple of months to years. It all depends."

"And what happens if we go through a Courtship and decide we're not meant for each other after all?"

"Then we each go our separate ways, no hard feelings. I would hope that we would still remain friends, though. I'd like you in my life, Harry, even if it's not as a lover."

Harry seemed to take an eternity to decide. He removed his hand from Severus', toyed with his glass, then folded his napkin, unfolded it, then folded it again. Harry glanced down at the table, then up at Severus and gave a small nod. "We'll try it, Severus. For six months and see how we go."

Severus smiled at him. "Thank you, Harry. You don't know how much this means to me."

*

Harry returned to his quarters and banged his head on the wood of his door. What had possessed him to agree to this? He shook his head—he knew the answer to that one. Severus' feelings were not unrequited; Harry was in love with him too and he couldn't bear to disappoint him. But he was going to be disappointed, wasn't he, when Harry wouldn't be able to have sex? Would it really be fair for Harry to string Severus along for the six months of their Courtship and then say _thanks, but no thanks_? Severus deserved better than that. Oh, Merlin, what was he going to do?

One option was to tell Severus the truth, but Harry had been hiding that since the Battle of Hogwarts. The only other person in the world who knew what Voldemort had done to him was Madam Pomfrey and she had promised she would keep it to herself. Could he tell Severus the real reason why he didn't ever want to have sex? Maybe he should have confided in someone long ago, but he couldn't go back and face Severus tonight, he just couldn't.

Harry marched over to his mantelpiece and removed a pinch of Floo powder. He tossed the glittering dust into the fire and called out, "The Burrow." After that it was a whirl of sounds and colours as he was tossed through the Floo system. He'd finished dinner with Severus just after nine, so he hoped he wasn't too late for a visit to his second home. As per usual, he landed flat on his face on the kitchen floor, most of his clothing covered with soot.

Molly helped him up and dusted him down, smiling fondly at him. "Maybe one day you'll get the hang of Floo travel, dear."

"Yeah, maybe," said Harry, smiling back. As he'd hoped, Ron and Hermione were still up and stared at him in surprise. "Sorry, if I'm a bit late for a visit. I just needed to speak to Ron and Hermione for a while."

"You're welcome here any time, Harry. You know that," said Molly. "Is anything wrong?"

"No, not really. I just need to speak to them for a bit."

"We can go into the parlour," said Ron.

"I'll make some tea," said Molly as the three friends headed into the parlour. 

Unlike the Weasleys' kitchen, the parlour was a room that didn't seem used all that often. Oh, it was clean and tidy, not a speck of dust anywhere, but it didn't looked lived in. Even the leather sofa and armchairs looked brand new, as if they'd just been delivered from a showroom somewhere.

Ron and Harry sat down on the sofa, Hermione taking one of the armchairs. "Is something wrong, Harry?" asked Hermione. "You don't usually visit this late."

"I know, sorry about that. I just – I just needed to talk to someone."

"Harry, mate, what is it?" asked Ron. "Has Snape been mistreating you with your mentorship program?"

"What? No! He's been great, more than great actually." Harry blushed and hoped they didn't notice. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Erm, what do either of you know about Wizarding Courtships?"

Hermione clapped her hands together. "Oh, Harry! That's wonderful news! Who's the lucky girl who's caught your eye?"

Harry shook his head. Hermione's eyes widened, Ron laughed and clapped him on the back. "About time you figured it out, Harry."

"You knew I was gay?" Harry asked Ron.

"Not at first, but I suspected something when you couldn't stop following Charlie around like a lovesick puppy during fourth year. Then you were fascinated by Draco Malfoy during sixth year, but we all know it wasn't really Draco you were interested in."

Hermione nodded. "It was Snape, wasn't it? The Half-Blood Prince, you never did get over him, did you? So are you Courting him or is he Courting you?"

"He's Courting me, but is there much of a difference?"

"Not really," said Ron. "It'll be mostly about the wedding. Since Snape is Courting you, not the other way around, he'll be the one who'll be footing the bill for everything. And during the Courtship itself, he'll be the one who will take you out and pay for everything then, too."

Harry felt his throat constrict. He couldn't let Severus go to all that expense when Harry couldn't go through with the wedding, it wouldn't be fair. "Then I am going to have to cancel it," said Harry. "I can't marry him."

"Why not? Don't you love him?" asked Hermione.

"Of course I love him, but I can't marry him, I can't marry anyone!" Harry was appalled to find himself almost in tears at the last word.

"Harry, why not?" Hermione asked gently. She stood up from the armchair and sat down on Harry's other side, placing a comforting hand on his back. 

"I'm a freak, just like the Dursleys always said! In the battle, Voldemort hexed me, he _changed_ me."

"Changed you? How?" asked Ron.

Oh, God, how could he say this? How could he talk about this? It was so personal. Maybe he should take a leaf out of Madam Pomfrey's book and be professional about it. Harry wasn't even sure what the right words were to describe what had happened to him. He just knew that now he was different and there was no cure. Madam Pomfrey had already told him that.

"He – he changed me there," Harry said at last, waving a hand at his groin.

Ron looked ill. "You don't mean – you can't mean he removed your – your – "

Harry shook his headed. "Not removed. Added," said Harry softly.

"He turned you into a hermaphrodite?" asked Hermione, her eyes wide.

"So, now can you see why I can't marry Severus? Why I can't be intimate with anyone?"

"Harry, just because you're different now, doesn't mean you can't have a sexual relationship," said Hermione. "You just need to talk to Severus, explain things."

"He won't want me now! I'm a freak!"

"You're not a freak," said Hermione. "It's unusual yes, but being hermaphroditic or intersex, the Muggle term, is not unknown. Scientists have even written books about it."

"You mean there are other people like me?"

"Of course. You are not a freak, Harry. You never were and you need to talk to Severus about this, the sooner the better."

Harry nodded just as Molly popped into the parlour, a tray of tea and biscuits hovering in front of her. "You're right, Hermione. As usual," said Harry as he grabbed a cup of tea. He would have to talk to Severus.

*

Harry's stomach felt full of fluttering butterflies as he waited for Severus to arrive for their normal Saturday night dinner. But tonight wasn't going to be a normal dinner, was it? Harry had been too nervous to cook, so he'd ordered Severus' favourites from the house-elves, Winky was only too pleased to be helping out Harry and his intended. How did the house-elves know about their Courtship so soon after it had begun? Perhaps it was some inherent magic with the castle itself. Harry paced the room, smoothing down nonexistent creases on his robes, fighting another wave of nausea. What if Severus rejected him out of hand because of his changed body? What if he didn't want to be with someone so strange? Despite Hermione's assurances that there were other people with this condition, Harry still felt strange, still felt odd and out of place.

At a few seconds to seven, there was a knock on his door. Harry took a deep breath, plastered on a smile and went to open the door. A large bunch of yellow roses obscured Severus' face, with only his hair visible.

"Hi, Severus. Come in," said Harry, pulling the door wide so Severus could come in. He thrust the roses into Harry's hands and stood there, looking a bit awkward and not even looking at Harry. That rug on Harry's floor must have been fascinating. "Have a seat, I'll just put these in some water," said Harry, glad to have some breathing room in the kitchen for a few minutes. He knew he had to tell Severus sooner rather than later, but later was looking good. Finished with the roses, he brought the vase out and set it on the middle of the mantelpiece.

Their starters were already sitting on the table, melon and Parma ham. Harry liked the dish, but not as much as Severus did. They both caught each other's eyes, smiled and blushed before looking away again. Severus laughed. "I feel like a first-year on a first date. I didn't think I'd be this nervous, not after you already accepted my Courtship."

Harry's stomach dropped to somewhere near his feet. "Severus, about that, we need to talk."

"Oh, that sounds ominous. Have you changed your mind so soon?"

Harry shook his head. "I love you, Severus. I'm in love with you and I want to be with you. But after what I tell you, you might not want to be with me."

"Harry, nothing you could say would make me love you any less."

"I'm not so sure about that. Tell me, are you gay?" asked Harry.

"That's an odd question." Severus shrugged his shoulders. "But in answer to your query, I am attracted to both sexes. I've had relationships with both men and women. Are you worried I might run off with a woman or something?"

"Or something," mumbled Harry, repeating Severus' phrase of the night before.

"Harry, what's bothering you? And don't say nothing, I know something is up. Is it the sex? You're a virgin, aren't you?"

Harry blushed and nodded. "Was I that obvious? Yes, I'm a virgin. But it's not just that. During the Battle of Hogwarts, Voldemort hexed me. I didn't know what had happened at first, I was too busy fighting for my life, but a few days later it was pretty obvious. I'm not just male any more, Severus. He changed me; I have women's parts now, too."

Severus glanced at Harry's chest, still flat as a pancake. Harry shook his head. "No breasts, no womb, but an extra opening. God, I feel like such a freak!"

Severus stood up and wrapped Harry in his arms and it was the care engendered in that touch which had the floodgates opening and Harry sobbing in Severus' arms. "You think I'm disgusting now, don't you?" Harry accused through his tears.

"Harry, you're not a freak, you are not disgusting. You are a wonderful young man who just has some unique circumstances. And how could I find you disgusting? You now having a vagina holds no fears for me, I like both sexes, remember? I fell in love with a person, Harry. Not a set of genitals. I don't care what you have or don't have between your legs. I'm not disgusted, far from it. If anything the scientist in me is intrigued."

"Intrigued?" Harry lifted his head and sniffled. "Does that mean you want to perform experiments on me?"

Severus smirked. "Only fun ones, I promise."

Harry laughed. "Thanks, Severus. I needed to hear that. I'm still me, aren't I?"

"You are, Harry. A changed body doesn't make you any less you. Now, shall we eat?"

Harry nodded, but made no move to leave Severus' embrace just yet. Being in Severus' arms, he finally felt as if he belonged somewhere.

*

The six months of their Courtship flew by in a flurry of dates. They had dinner together often, not always in each others' quarters – sometimes they went to Muggle London and once Severus took Harry to Paris and they had dinner on a boat cruising down the Seine. It was magical, all the buildings and bridges they passed up lit up with electric lights, the soft lap of the river against the hull. They did other things too: going to art galleries, to the theatre for plays, ballet and opera. One version of _Swan Lake_ they saw had a dancer who looked like Severus playing the part of the prince. Harry had spent most of the ballet staring at the man's physique (nothing was hidden in those tights!) and wondering what Severus looked like beneath his clothes.

They hadn't done anything physical, not yet, but they had shared some chaste kisses after their dates. Harry had the impression that Severus was waiting for Harry to make the first move, leaving it up to Harry until he felt ready. Harry knew Severus desired more, for he'd often seen Severus looking at him with what could only be described as hunger in his eyes. Harry wanted Severus too, but he was unsure how to go about it. Did you talk about it first? Or just start kissing and see where things led? Harry didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to be swept off his feet and just let things happen as they might. Or maybe he'd been reading too many romance novels.

It was a Saturday night and they'd just had dinner in Harry's quarters. Severus was in his usual armchair by the fireplace, sipping at his coffee and staring into the fire. Harry was sitting on the sofa, his legs tucked under him as he sipped at his hot chocolate; he didn't like the taste of coffee. His heart fluttered against his ribs like a trapped bird. After coffee was finished, Severus usually left after a much too-soft-kiss goodnight.

As if aware he was being scrutinised, Severus glanced up and smiled at Harry, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Severus set his mug down on the floor and stood up. "It's getting late, I suppose I ought to go." Harry almost spilled his hot chocolate in his haste at getting up from the sofa. He set his mug down on the mantelpiece and stood in front of Severus, only a few inches separating them. Severus cupped Harry's face in his hands and leaned down to bestow a goodnight kiss on his lips. It was a brief, almost chaste kiss and that wasn't what Harry wanted at all. Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck and tugged him down for a deeper kiss, moaning as he did so.

Severus mouth tasted of coffee and chocolate.

Harry was afraid that Severus might pull away and end the kiss too soon, but no, he wrapped his arms around Harry's back and clung to him, an echoing moan from Severus reverberating between them. Severus' tongue pressed between Harry's lips and Harry was only too happy to let it in, their tongues tangling together as Severus seemed to lick him everywhere: his tongue, his teeth, his palate. Harry's blood rushed to his groin and he felt a bit light-headed. He was so hard, but wet too, in that _other_ place between his legs. Harry _ached_ with want.

Severus pulled back from their kiss, his breathing a ragged gasp. "Harry, if you don't want more, tell me now." Harry could feel Severus' erection pressing into his hip and felt a surge of relief, Severus wanted this too.

"I want more, Severus. I want everything."

Severus smiled and nodded. "Shall we take this to the bedroom, then?"

Harry nodded and grabbed hold of Severus' hand, almost tugging him to his bedroom. The bedroom was tidy, as it usually was, and there was fresh bedding on the bed. Harry always put clean sheets on his bed every Saturday, just in case this might happen. But Severus didn't seem at all interested in Harry's décor, he was too interested in Harry. Severus paused at the foot of the bed and pulled Harry flush against him, kissing him breathless, both of them breathing heavily. Harry felt that he could quite easily come from this contact alone, just kissing and rubbing against Severus' body.

Harry pulled at the clasp of Severus' robes, his hands impatient to get to bare skin. Severus took pity on him and undid the clasp with one hand, leaving Harry free to undo the buttons on Severus' shirt. Thankfully he wasn't wearing his frock coat with its myriad buttons tonight and Harry undid the shirt in short order. Harry pulled away from their kissing and knelt down in front of Severus.

Severus looked down at him and groaned, a faint pink blush on his cheeks. Harry licked his lips at the erection tenting Severus' trousers. He could smell Severus' arousal from here and it made his own cock throb with need. Harry unbuttoned Severus' trousers and tugged them down, seeing Severus' black silk underwear wet with precome. Severus gasped and grabbed hold of Harry's hair. "Harry, you don't have to do that," said Severus, his voice raspy.

"I want to," said Harry as he pulled the underwear down to join the trousers. A small triangle of black hair surrounded Severus' cock, and a light dusting of hair covered his chest, so unlike Harry's own smooth chest. It was true he'd never given anyone a blowjob before, but he knew the theory well enough and he wanted to do this for Severus. He wanted to make him feel so good. Harry grabbed hold of Severus' hips and lowered his head, his mouth opening.

Severus' cock was long and thick and it was a bit of a stretch to get Harry's mouth around it. It tasted musky with a slight salty tang, but it wasn't unpleasant. Harry brought one hand back around and placed it on the part of Severus' cock he couldn't take in his mouth. Harry sucked and licked all around the head, swallowing the precome that had gathered there, before hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head as he sucked Severus for all he was worth.

Severus' breathing was ragged and his hands curled tight in Harry's hair, making Harry's eyes water. He winced a bit but kept going; he wanted to make Severus come like this. No, he _needed_ it. Needed to feel it in his mouth and throat. "Harry!" Severus' wailed and Harry suspected he was close to coming now. Harry could almost feel Severus' cock swell in his mouth. It pulsed with a life of its own. "Harry! Oh, fuck, Harry!" Severus' cock jerked and spasmed; Harry tightened his mouth around it as the first drops of salty cream filled his mouth, and swallowed as much as he could. Severus' hips were thrusting now too, fucking Harry's mouth as he rode out his orgasm. Harry's own cock was so hard it was almost drilling through his trousers, but he had been so engrossed in getting Severus to come that he hadn't paid that much attention to it. Severus groaned as Harry kept licking, kept sucking even after Severus had nothing left to give. A few drips of semen dribbled from Harry's mouth and down his chin.

He glanced up at Severus from beneath his lashes and Severus' breath hitched. "Merlin, Harry. You look so hot like that, covered in my come." Severus gently pulled his head away and sat down on the foot of the bed, getting his breath back. "Have you ever done that before?"

"No, but I read about it in a magazine."

Severus laughed. "Not one of Miss Granger's, was it?"

"No, Ron gave it to me, actually," replied Harry.

"Your very straight friend?"

"Ron's straight, but his brother Charlie isn't. The magazine belonged to him."

"Ah," said Severus.

Harry, still on his knees, shuffled over to the bed and undid Severus' boots before pulling them off, and then tugged the trousers and underwear down and off. Severus was still wearing his unbuttoned shirt and Harry found something inherently sexy about the way Severus was only half-dressed. Harry leaned up to kiss him then paused, wondering if Severus really wanted to kiss him after he'd come in Harry's mouth. Severus pulled on Harry's shoulders and showed him without words that he did indeed want to be kissed. Time had no meaning; they kissed and kissed, Harry getting more aroused the longer they did it. He hadn't known that kissing could feel so arousing. Severus stopped kissing him, then smiled at him.

"I'm not a young man, Harry. I'm going to need a bit of time to recover. How about you stand up and undress and I can enjoy the show?"

"You want me to do a striptease for you?" Harry gasped breathlessly. Normally, he undressed with no thought to what he was taking off.

"Only if you want to." Severus scooted up the bed and settled himself against the pillows and headboard. Harry was pleased to note that he made no effort to remove his loosened shirt. Perhaps he knew how sexy Harry found that. The contrast of material with bare skin, the way the shirt moulded to his arms and shoulders... Harry had never felt so horny in his life and they hadn't even done much yet. The evening was still young, as it were, and Harry was determined to make the most of it now that he had Severus right where he wanted him: half-naked in Harry's bed.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I'd like that," said Harry as he fumbled with the clasp of his robes and let it fall in a dark pool around his feet. Severus swallowed audibly and his eyes were glued to Harry's hands, as if anticipating where they would go next. Harry thought his next move was predictable; his hands hovered at the buttons of his shirt but, instead of working his way down, he started from the bottom button and worked his way up.

Severus' gaze of admiration was intense and Harry felt a sexual thrill that he was the one pinned under that stare. Harry toyed with the trail of hair leading from his belly button and below his trousers, grazing it softly with his fingers, teasing himself and teasing Severus, too, if his gasps and little hitches of breath were anything to go by.

"Merlin, Harry, you're exquisite. I want to taste every inch of you."

"Do you now?" Harry grinned and shrugged the shirt of his shoulders and let it flutter to the floor like some strange white bird. He was standing only in his trousers and socks (he never wore shoes when he was in his own quarters) and Severus kept ogling the tented front of those trousers. Harry's cock was hot and heavy, almost obscene with his obvious arousal, and watching Severus watch him made him even more aroused. His cock spurted precome onto his clothes and Harry moaned, swaying a little. It wouldn't take much for him to come, but he didn't want to. Not yet. He was wet between his legs, too, with that other arousal, and his undies were soaked.

Harry locked eyes with Severus and slowly, ever so slowly, he undid the top button of his trousers and slid them lower on his hips. Severus was recovering, his cock thickening and hardening as Harry watched it. Harry licked his lips, still tasting Severus on them from earlier. Still staring at Severus, he unzipped his trousers as slowly as he dared, being careful of his erect cock. Once the trousers were down and off, he paused with his hands at the waistband of his boxers, his whole body shaking.

"Leave those on for now," said Severus, scooting back down and sitting on the bottom of the bed, his legs on the floor.

"I'm not scared, just nervous," said Harry. "I hope I don't look too weird for you."

Severus patted his lap. "You look wonderful, Harry. But right now I just want you on my lap. I'm going to tease you for a while."

Harry swallowed the saliva that had gathered in his throat and did as he was invited. He sat sideways on Severus' lap, his arms around Severus' shoulders and his head resting against Severus' shoulder. It was as if that little hollow between neck and shoulder had been made just for him. Severus caressed Harry’s chest with his hands, paying particular attention to his nipples. Harry squirmed on his lap; he was so close to coming already and Severus hadn't gone anywhere near his cock yet, or to that other place. Harry still felt weird calling it a vagina; he wasn't a woman, he was something else.

Severus' left hand moved down his chest, skimming the planes of his abdomen before reaching inside and grasping his cock in his fist. "Severus!" Harry's eyes rolled back in his head and he bucked his hips, wanting more friction, needing more. "Please, oh God, please!"

Severus turned them, pushing Harry flat on his back on the bed; he yanked Harry's underwear down and off. "I want to fuck you, Harry," Severus said hoarsely. "You don't know who many nights I've lain awake _aching_ for you."

"Please, Severus! Yes! I want it! I need it!" Harry was beyond caring that he was begging, that he was nothing but a puddle of need on the bed. He felt shameless, wild, _abandoned_.

Severus nodded. His hands skimmed along Harry's thighs, tantalisingly close to where Harry wanted them to be. Harry widened his legs, blushing furiously as he let Severus know without words where he wanted those fingers to go next. Severus smiled at him, before his hands wandered back behind Harry's balls and to the new slit in his body. There was no pain as Severus teased him with his fingers; Harry felt so wet and open. "In me! Oh, God, Severus! Fuck me!" Harry wailed.

Severus removed his fingers, then licked the moisture off them as he stared intently at Harry. "You taste divine, Harry," said Severus, leaning over to kiss him. They shared the taste of Harry between them for a few moments, before Severus pulled his mouth away and lined himself up between Harry's legs. Severus was looking at him with such wonder, such awe that Harry didn't feel awkward or odd just because his body was different to most men's. He was still Harry and at that moment, Harry knew that it was Harry Severus was seeing. Not a freak, not someone who didn't fit. 

Severus pushed Harry's knees up towards his chest and slid inside him in two quick thrusts. Harry moaned, arching his hips. He felt so full and stretched, his cock throbbing like a second heartbeat in his groin. Severus was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and his upper body was taut as a bowstring as he held himself still, as if letting Harry get used to the sensation of someone inside him.

"You can move, Severus," Harry said, smiling up at him. "I won't break."

"Thank Merlin," gasped Severus and began to thrust in earnest, his body movements getting more and more erratic. Harry leaned up to kiss him, their mouths a frantic clash of tongues and teeth as they sought the peak together. Severus grabbed hold of Harry's arms and pinned them to the bed, high above Harry's head. The sheer possession of that act had Harry whimpering into Severus' mouth as desire spiked in his cock and between his legs. Harry was no passive participant; he met Severus thrust for thrust; his hips just couldn't keep still and they kissed and kissed. All too soon, Harry felt the telltale tingles in his lower abdomen and lower still. His cock seemed to swell between their bellies. Harry yanked his mouth from Severus' and _howled_. "Oh fuck! I'm gonna come! I'm gonna come!"

"Yes!" Severus hissed above him. "Yes, Harry! Come for me, come!"

Harry bucked his hips as the first ropes of come erupted from his cock to splatter his skin. Severus' grip on Harry's legs tightened as he thrust once, twice, three times. "Harry! Harry!" Severus gave a guttural groan as he climaxed, filling Harry with wet warmth. Harry's inner walls spasmed around Severus' cock and he tried to hold on to the fluttering feeling in his belly, but Severus' cock softened and slipped out of him.

Harry tried to hide the disappointment. It had felt as though he might have been able to come that different way, but maybe they could try that next time.

"Harry, you're not finished, are you?" asked Severus, teasing Harry's slit with his fingers again.

Harry blushed. "I'm okay, Severus. You don't have to do that. I already came."

Can you honestly lie there and tell me that you feel completely sated?" Severus arched an eyebrow at him. "The way you're gripping my fingers tells me you want more, don't you?"

Harry nodded.

"Don't ever feel ashamed for letting me know what you need, Harry. Now, you just lie back and relax and let me take care of you." Severus shimmied down the bed until his head was level with Harry's crotch. "Lift your legs, knees flat on the bed."

Harry obeyed without thought, wondering if Severus was going to give him a blowjob while playing with him down below. But that wasn't what Severus intended at all. He licked Harry's thighs, teasing him almost beyond endurance before plunging his tongue into Harry's newest hole.

"Severus!" Harry grabbed hold of the bedclothes beneath him, trying not to buck his hips too much. He'd never felt anything like it. Severus' tongue was so soft, so pliable, and was able to twist its shape and tease Harry's inner walls. Severus was moaning and slurping; it sounded so loud in the room, as if Harry was the most delicious dessert he'd ever tasted. Harry didn't want it to end, but he was feeling so good that he knew he wouldn't be long in coming this way. "Ah! Ah! Sev'rus!" Harry moaned, his whole body spasming and jerking with the force of his orgasm. His body nearly levitated off the bed as Severus continued to lick and suck at him, not stopping, moving his hands to pin Harry's hips to the bed. Harry felt the crescendo build once more and, for one terrible moment, he was afraid that Severus would stop and leave him hanging like this.

"Don't stop! Please don't stop!" Harry pleaded, his heart beating an erratic rhythm in his chest. He was drenched in sweat and his whole body was on fire with bliss. Severus responded not in words, but by thrusting his tongue in and out of Harry like a miniature cock. He could feel Severus' chin and the ridge of his nose pushing against him as Severus pleasured him. "More," Harry whispered, blushing at his need. "I need more."

Severus' dark gaze bore into him and he nodded, before adding two fingers alongside his tongue. It meant he could no longer keep Harry's hips in place, and Harry bucked upwards off the bed. He grabbed hold of Severus' head and arched, the need coiling like a spring in his belly. Harry felt himself contract around Severus' tongue and fingers and then he was coming again, moaning incoherently as he lost himself to the ecstasy once more. Everything greyed out for a moment and he thought he might faint, but he didn't.

Severus slid up the bed again and kissed him softly. "You can scrape me off the ceiling any time now, Severus," Harry said, grinning madly. His while body was shaking with little aftershocks and his legs were so wobbly he didn't think he'd be able to walk anytime soon.

"That good, eh?" asked Severus in a strange voice. It took Harry a moment to realise that Severus sounded nervous. Surely Severus knew he was a good lover? Harry propped himself up on an elbow and gazed into Severus' dark eyes.

"It was fantastic, Severus. I've never felt anything like it. And just think, when we're married we can do that whenever or wherever we want."

"Can we now?" Severus arched a brow at him. "You have a fantasy of us doing that in the Great Hall with everyone watching?"

Harry chuckled. "No, not exactly. But I have had this fantasy of you bending me over your desk."

"Have you been a naughty boy, Harry? Is that why I have bent you over my desk, you need a good spanking?"

"Maybe." Harry grinned again, he just couldn't seem to stop smiling. "We should have the wedding in the summer, so that we can go somewhere for our honeymoon and still get back in time for school."

"That sounds delightful, Harry. There's a lot to organise though, will we be able to get everything done in time for July or August?"

Harry nodded. "Of course, Severus. We have a secret weapon: Molly Weasley. She'll have everything arranged for us before we can say _I do_."

"That would be acceptable," Severus said shortly.

Harry sat up in the bed and pulled Severus down for a kiss. "Now I know you really love me. Only love would make you put up with a Weasley wedding. If you'd rather we did something else: elope, maybe. I'd be fine with that."

Severus shook his head. "I love you, Harry, and the Weasleys are your family. It's only right that they should be involved. I want you to have the perfect wedding day."

"We can tell them tomorrow," said Harry. "They've invited us to the Burrow for Sunday lunch. But right now I think we might need a bath or shower. Bath, I don't think my legs will hold me up in the shower."

"Then allow me," said Severus, as he scooped Harry up in his arms and they made their way to the bathroom, Harry's giggles echoing on the stone. Harry smiled as he imagined Severus carrying him like this over the threshold of their first home together after they were married.

He sighed in contentment and rested his head against Severus' chest. Harry was asleep long before they had their bath and in the morning he woke to the most wonderful sight: Severus, still in bed beside him.

They belonged together now.

THE END


End file.
